English - Creative Writing

The gym. Closed for the day, soon to be opened. Training gear, organized and stacked nicely from the previous class. The floor padding, clean and sweat-free after being clean just hours before. From within the everlasting silence of the closed gym, the sound of the water droplets from the tap drumming against the steel sink, the echoing tick of a clock striking second by second, the roar of the nearby cars outside driving by and the hum of chatter from the sidewalk. The eye-watering smell of bleach, the subtle hint of Dettol throughout the gym mats and walls, the sour smell of old sweat and the faint smell of leftover protein. People are about to enter the gym and begin their night of training they're all in a rush to get to the gym in time so they can have the chance to stretch and warm-up before the session starts. Some are worried, some are not as worried.

The gym has now opened and there is a light hum on chatter, people greeting each other and choosing who to train with for the session, water running as people fill their drink bottles to guzzle throughout the night, the grunts as people stretch, the sounds of people pounding and bashing the boxing bags as if they're their opponents. But the loudest thing in the gym is the retch-worthy smell of feet throughout the gym. There is a contagious amped or enthusiastic sort of feeling being passed around the members of the gym.

Training time. People bashing pads and draining all their energy trying to get the sequence correct and to avoid punches and throw counter punches whilst still getting footwork and technique correct. The floor pads drenched with sweat from the exhausted members.  The hiss of people exhaling while hitting the pads, the pants of exhaustion within breaks of sequences, people shouting as they encourage other members to push themselves further and to continue even though they're tired and exhausted, the sound of water gushing and people quickly refill their bottles to quench their thirst and to rehydrate themselves. Training is over and all that is left over is the deadly whiff of sweat.
                                                                                                                                                                  
                                                                                                                                                           
Write out 3 sentences where you've used at least 3 of the 5 senses

Senses

1.)  Sight:  People bashing pads and draining all their energy trying to get the sequence correct and to avoid punches and throw counter punches whilst still getting footwork and technique correct.

2.)  Sound:  From within the everlasting silence of the closed gym, the sound of the water droplets from the tap drumming against the steel sink, the echoing tick of a clock striking second by second, the roar of the nearby cars outside driving by and the hum of chatter from the sidewalk

3.)  Smell:  But the loudest thing in the gym is the retch-worthy smell of feet throughout the gym.

_________________________________________________________________________________



Replace words
jklw

I replaced detol for Dettol to correct it.

I replaced the word smelly and bad stinking feet for the retch-worthy smell of feet to make it seem more disgusting and to make the smell seem more intense as retch is to vomit.

I had also replaced the word running for gushing to make it seem like its more fast-paced and intense whereas running could be at any speed but gushing it harsh and fast